areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
