Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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