I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
