I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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