i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
operation have a gay friend backfired
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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