The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
