you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
