i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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