You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
