My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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