Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
