Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
