Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
