I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
