Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
