and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize