What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's get the cat blown out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
