I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
