He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
