what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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