I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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