At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
