my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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