The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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