i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
