I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
