just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
