Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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