he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize