sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
