Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
