you win again, gameday.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dicks are not precious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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