he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
