I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
