You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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