did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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