Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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