the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
