no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
