I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
as a side note pls kill me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
