i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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