don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
