But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
