he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
