how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
