So drunk its hurt
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize