Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
