i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
