he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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