Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
