I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
