I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
