So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
