Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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