If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
