You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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