Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
