so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
