you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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