she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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