Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
