We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
