maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we're making bets on your personal life
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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