so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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