this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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