I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize