It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
