We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
