Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
