I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
