There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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