I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
