He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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