I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
