ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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