I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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