as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
