I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
