If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize