mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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