I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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