How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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