my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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