Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
