giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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