i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
