i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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