i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
