I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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