$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize