Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
