That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
