I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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