dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
