Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
